I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
NoShamevember. You game?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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