So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
