I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
