So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
