I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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