My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize