Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
