it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
