Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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