I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
