ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
