Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
