So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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