he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
