so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
