in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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