I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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