I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize