I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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