dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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