I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
