i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
