I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
