your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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