don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
