if i died would you start the facebook group?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I got inside last night via doggy door
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
