I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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