Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
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