Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
