What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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