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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I think my vagina is haunted
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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