I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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