So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
