You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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