Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
