Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize