We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
