Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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