Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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