What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We have started to decorate penises.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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