how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
