yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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