I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
