i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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