he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
