chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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