I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
