Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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