I CAN MOONWALK!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
