wat bout pragnant strippers??
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
