its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize