So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
