I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
