You're so nebulous sometimes
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize