my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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