Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
