Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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