You're completely useless in the revolution.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
