his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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