You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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