what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
