420 ftw
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
