so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
