is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize