So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
