So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize