I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
