Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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