it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
