I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
