The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
