Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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