what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
