Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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