I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
