dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
