I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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